words without action are meaningless.

My entire life, I have been a traveler. I was the child that couldn't wait to leave my town, state, even country. While others were home sick, I was soaking up every moment I had away from "normal life". I still have this mentality. I love to see new things, experience knew people and be apart of something that is not my norm. However, I am realizing today that I runaway. I runaway from life's issues, and I think if I change my circumstances or my geographic that somehow when I return, things will have changed, I will have changed. I look for experiences to change me. And while I am not saying that experiences can't change you. I am realizing that I try to address everything in my life besides the problem. I attempt to go around the mountain to avoid a treacherous hike. a painful recovery. "no pain, no gain". But without pain there is no victory. You can not have one without the other. And I believe until you feel your pain and let it go, you will not have victory. I have this tendency to hold on to pain, hurt, betrayal. Why? Because, it is something that I have power over. I have power over my anger and resentment and if I let that go, I become powerless. I also believe that freedom does not come without humility or freedom does not come without powerlessness. My freedom and victory will come from me letting go of my pride and letting the blood of Christ wash away my sin. Is it not so easy to say wash away my sin with your blood. I am tired of saying it. I want to believe it. I want to live it. I am tired of my words, of my unfulfilled promises that I make to God, others and myself. What good are words to the rebellious heart. I want to live in repentance. To walk in spirit filled obedience and submission to God.

but then again...these are just words.