environment

Have you ever had the feeling when you think you have just figured out your life and what it is you are to be and do, and then somehow you get turned all upside down and are confused again? Well, that is how I feel. I am learning that your environment can change you, that new experiences cause you to question things you used to take at face value. The differences between sin and what is permissable, permissable and beneficial. One thing we have to always remember and what I believe we can never forget is TRUTH. I do believe you can deceive yourself, but I also believe that deep down we know the truth when we hear and it never stops following us, no matter the choices we make in life. God never stops chasing us, fighting for us, loving us. He does not give up on us, we give up on Him. Some people talk about how God left them, when the truth of the matter is, you left God to fulfill your own desires. Funny how making mistakes can lead us back to the cross developing an even deeper connection with God. Remembering that nothing is more satisfying than intimacy with the Beloved.

filming

I filmed my first scene this past week "Sheldon's number one fan" an adaptation of "Misery". It went well. I can't complain, it was my first. I will be uploading it on youtube this week. I am also filming another scene Tuesday with a fellow student. I am hoping it all goes well. I really do enjoy being here. It is so different from what I am used to, but I know God is working in ways I can not see. I trust Him. He is what keeps me going!

If you think of it please pray for me.

living wide awake,

Nikki

uncomprehensible love

I was at church this past Sunday and this song brought me to tears, which hasn't happened in quite a while. The lyrics were a perfect painting of where my heart is right now.

Where can I go
Where can I run from You
You're everywhere

You know all my thoughts
You see through my ways
And still You come to me
And so I sing a love song to You
And so I sing a love song to You

From Heaven above
Earth down beneath
Your love rains down on me

You know all my thoughts
You see through my skin
And still You come to me
And so I sing a love song to You
And so I sing a love song to You

You walk on waves
You run with clouds
You paint the sky for me to see
Your majesty
Your majesty is why I sing

And this is a love song for You
And this is a love song for You
And this is a love song for You
And this is a love song for You

You walk on waves
You run with clouds
You paint the sky for me to see
Your majesty
Your majesty is why I sing

Yes it's all for You
In my life a love song to You
In my life a love song to You
Everything I do
In my life a love song to You
In my life a love song to You
In my life a love song to You

"Love Song" by Jason Morant

That God knows my thoughts, sees right through my skin and still comes to me is unfathomable to me right now. Such a great love that I am enough just as I am...a sinner, whore, adulterer, idolatrous, and His love is unshakable, never ending toward me. I do not have to earn this love, I have the ability to freely receive it unconditionally because of the blood of Jesus. ::Sigh:: Does that not mess you up? The gratefulness I have for my Beloved has no words only tears.

Is there a song that moves you so much that words don't do it justice. Tears are the only way to express the moment you experience with the Lord when you are overwhelmed with a love that you can not comprehend?

Find it, seek it and soak up His presences. He is coming to you, are you responding?

living wide awake,
Nikki

getting better

Everyday is better than the last and I am beginning to enjoy the people I live with. They all have there faults, but who doesn't. The more I get to know them, the more joy they all bring me in there own way. A friend of ours took my headshots today. It wasn't shot in a professional studio with a high def camera and photographer, but it was free and will be fine for my first headshot. He hasn't edited them yet and I am already happy with them.

Another student and I are rehearsing a scene from the movie "Misery" to film professionally sometime next week. It has been really difficult, especially since we are both perfectionist when it comes to our work. People who say acting isn't work are stupid. I don't know how, but its draining...if you do it right.

I got involved in a church, Mosaic. I like it alot. I feel free to worship and express myself toward God. I got plugged into a small group and so we will see how it goes. :)

Tomorrow I am signing up for extra/background work.

Thanks for reading, stay tuned for more! :)

Living wide awake,
Nikki

p.s. sorry this post is not full of life, its 1:20am and I am tired. goodnight.